How to cook a (Tofu)Turkey

As you know, I’m a vegetarian. This means turkey is definitely not on the menu here. But when I was sent this “how to” a couple of years ago I laughed so hard I thought I’d share. (Some of you may have seen it doing the rounds on the internet again already, but I could read this again and again and still laugh!) I showed it to some students once, but the combination of the joke  getting “lost in translation”, and the wry humour just didn’t work…

File:Holly Berries in Snow - - 136731.jpg

Have a laugh on me:

How To Cook A (Tofu)Turkey

Step 1: Go and buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whisky

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven 

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whisky 

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens 

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskys of drink 

Step 7: Turk the bastey 

Step 8: Whisky another bottle of get 

Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer 

Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whisky 

Step 11: Bake the whisky for 4 hours 

Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey 

Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick 

Step 14: Turk the carvey 

Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch 

Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey 

Have fun cooking your Christmas dinner, whatever it is! 😉

(P.S. Just for the record, not only do I not eat turkey… I don’t drink whisky either! 😀 )

Snowballs and Snowball Cupcakes

I was reminiscing with my neighbour, Ingrid, recently as she poured me a second glass of advocaat/egg liqueur/eggnog… 😉  Remember those girly cocktails served with the glacé cherry?

The Snowball!


Lemonade and advocaat (and a cherry)… I used to love these!

The snowball cocktail inspired the little cakes I made a few days later… cherry cakes with advocaat buttercream frosting, and a cherry on top of course!

Snowball Cupcakes



  • 255g (2 cups) flour
  • 2 tsps baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 90g (2/5 cup) sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 25ml – 30ml (2 tbsps) lemon juice
  • 75ml (5 tbsps) advocaat (eggnog)
  • 150ml (2/3 cup) milk
  • zest of 1 lemon
  • 90ml (2/5 cup) vegetable oil
  • 75g (about 3 oz) glacé cherries, quartered


  • 30g (2 tbsps) butter, softened
  • 125g (1 cup) icing sugar
  • 75ml (5 tbsps) advocaat
  • extra cherries for topping

Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°C and prepare muffin pans…. I made 16 from this recipe as I didn’t fill the cases as much as usual.

Sieve flour, baking powder, salt and sugar into a large bowl and mix well. Stir in the lemon zest and quartered cherries. Beat the egg with the milk and oil. Stir in the advocaat and lemon juice and add to the dry ingredients. Stir in thoroughly, but don’t overmix. Spoon into muffin cases/tins and bake for 20-25 minutes. Leave to cool completely before decorating.

For the frosting, sieve the icing sugar and beat with the butter until combined. Add a drop of advocaat and beat again. Add more liqueur to get a nice soft consistency. I find it easier to chill the frosting and pipe it on the cakes later. Top each cake with a cherry.


You can really taste the alcohol!


Let’s have a party! Grab a cocktail and a cake…