How to cook a (Tofu)Turkey

As you know, I’m a vegetarian. This means turkey is definitely not on the menu here. But when I was sent this “how to” a couple of years ago I laughed so hard I thought I’d share. (Some of you may have seen it doing the rounds on the internet again already, but I could read this again and again and still laugh!) I showed it to some students once, but the combination of the joke  getting “lost in translation”, and the wry humour just didn’t work…

File:Holly Berries in Snow - geograph.org.uk - 136731.jpg

Have a laugh on me:

How To Cook A (Tofu)Turkey

Step 1: Go and buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whisky

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven 

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whisky 

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens 

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskys of drink 

Step 7: Turk the bastey 

Step 8: Whisky another bottle of get 

Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer 

Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whisky 

Step 11: Bake the whisky for 4 hours 

Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey 

Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick 

Step 14: Turk the carvey 

Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch 

Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey 

Have fun cooking your Christmas dinner, whatever it is! 😉

(P.S. Just for the record, not only do I not eat turkey… I don’t drink whisky either! 😀 )

Parsley the Lion

The Herbs was a UK children’s TV series in the early seventies. Each character was the personification of a herb, with their own song, and the episodes took place in the Herb Garden.

Did you ever see it?

Among others, there was Parsley the Lion, who was extremely shy, but very friendly and lovable! (His mane was of parsley!) Then Dill, the neurotic dog, who was constantly chasing his tail. Sir Basil and Lady Rosemary. And Bayleaf the Gardener! I also remember the chive choir, conducted by the schoolmaster. But when I looked up his name (Mr Onion!) memories of other characters came flooding back! Senor Solidago the singing teacher, Sage the owl, the policeman Constable Knapweed

Here are a few links. It’s dated, but charming!

Parsley’s Song

Sage’s singing lesson

The Herbs

The Herbs and episode descriptions

The Herbs Homestead

The Herbs and Parsley DVD